BDSM & Bondage: The most important terms and abbreviations

At least since Fifty Shades of Gray bondage and BDSM are on everyone's lips. But anyone who now thinks that this erotic variety can be explained with a few lashes of the whip is wrong. BDSM is definitely more than a playroom with toys on the walls. Here you will learn basic information about the power play in the bedroom. Our extensive lexicon explains the most important terms and abbreviations related to BDSM.

What do bondage and BDSM mean?

Let's start with the basics: In order to know what the term BDSM means, it should first be clear what the acronym BDSM stands for. It is made up of the first letters of the English terms "Bondage & Discipline (binding and disciplining), Dominance & Submission (control and submission), and Sadism & Masochism (sadism and masochism)" together. So it encompasses a set of diverse sexual preferences and identities. Bondage is one of them.

Since this type or types of lovemaking can sometimes get a little hotter and more dangerous, the following terms are essential if you want to try BDSM yourself: safe, sane, and consensual. These three pillars are needed so that both partners can really experience the power game as pleasant and enjoyable. At this point, we would really like to ask you to always pay attention so that nobody has to have a bad or even traumatizing experience.

How many people like bondage and BDSM?

Now that you know what BDSM is and what it means, it might still be a bit difficult to imagine who engages in this type of lovemaking. So before we get to giving you a closer look at the dynamics, here are a few more numbers that might be of interest to you.

Estimates of the proportion of people who love BDSM range from about 5 to 25 percent. According to a worldwide survey from 2005 (“Durex Global Sex Survey 2005”), around 20 percent of those surveyed have already used masks, blindfolds, or other bondage equipment. Only 5 percent (in Germany 4 percent) expressly admitted to sadomasochistic varieties. 

The lust for power games, i.e. BDSM, is practiced in principle by all social classes , but seems to turn on higher earners in particular. Most members of sadomasochistic clubs are upper-middle class, well-educated, cultured, socially integrated, professionally successful, reliable, and emotionally and psychologically stable. 

In general, the submissive role (i.e. the passive part) seems to be more popular than the dominant role  (active part). According to various surveys, there are about four times as many BDSM fans who prefer the submissive part. Mostly it's women. It is probably due to the fact that women are usually under enormous social pressure and have to bear a lot of responsibility (especially if they are single parents, for example).

So, being able to delegate some of that responsibility to someone else and putting yourself in the position of being cared for rather than the caring one can help reduce stress and pressure. But male subs can also have similar reasons since men are also subject to certain norms (keyword: toxic masculinity) that they don't have to worry about in their role as subs.

What roles are there in bondage and BDSM?

Now we come to the maybe more interesting part, which also played a part in Fifty Shades of Grey, which is what are the roles in BDSM. In BDSM, the participants enter a power imbalance voluntarily and gain pleasure from their equality. 

The submissive (submissive) partner, also called sub or bottom, gives up a certain part of his self-determination and hands it over to the dominant (determining) partner, called dom or top. The sub is tied up or humiliated within a previously defined framework, or spoiled and caressed. How to deal with the sub should always be discussed beforehand (dos and don'ts) and is also heavily dependent on the respective kinks or preferences of those involved. The attraction for the sub lies (among other things) in the helplessness, being at the mercy, and being brought up. The dom finds the excitement and excitement in the control and his/her power over the sub.

Most BDSMers find themselves in one of the two roles. But there are also some who switch between active and passive parts: so-called switches or switchers. 

People who don't have BDSM tendencies are referred to in the scene as vanillas . Vanilla is the most popular and most common type of ice cream in the world and is considered "ordinary". “Ordinary” sex is therefore vanilla sex. (Disclaimer: Vanilla sex is of course in no way worse or more boring.)

How does a BDSM session work?

BDSM practices mostly take place within a fixed period of time, which is referred to as a game or session. Sexual intercourse can occur in any form within a session - but does not have to (in a form of Ageplay Little and Daddy, for example, sexual intercourse can also be absent).

A common understanding of boundaries and agreement is the starting point for a BDSM session:  Once Dom and Sub have found each other and talked about their boundaries and preferences, nothing stands in the way of a session. Before that, we want to state here that you do not necessarily have to contractually record your limits. 😉 But if it helps you, you can make a list.

Important: Both must agree to everything that is written on it. That means the dom has to accept the boundaries and limits of the sub*s, but the sub also has to accept those of the dom*s.

Did you know that bondage is not necessarily only intended to fix the sub*s, but is also practiced for purely aesthetic reasons? This is the case with Shibari. You can also find accounts on social media that only deal with this aesthetic art of bondage and believe us, it's always worth a look.

Important: BDSM is not always everything at once, it is diverse. So dominance does not mean sadism and the pain of pleasure is not for everyone and does not occur in many sessions.

BDSM: Abbreviations and Terms 

Here you will find the most important terms and suggestions on the subject of BDSM. Have fun while reading!

A

• Agreements  = essential communication before each session, in which preferences, taboos, and → safe words are clarified
• crash  = a → session that went wrong; mostly for emotional reasons. Crashes mostly affect the bottoms but can also affect the tops if they are overwhelmed.
• Ageplay = a form of role-play in which the participants do not behave according to their age. Instead, they can act like children, teenagers, or even babies
• traffic light system = a form of → slow words; a code to slow down or pause BDSM actions (green = ok, yellow = no stronger or continue, red = stop)
• Anal intercourse  = sexual intercourse in which the penis is inserted into the anus
• anilingus  = (also: rimming); is an oral sex practice in which the anus, including the perineal region, is stimulated with the lips and tongue

B

• BDSM  = Abbreviation for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism
• bondage  _ for bondage or bondage; tying for restriction of movement and/or aesthetic purposes
• Bottom  = (also: → Sub); English for below; the passive part in BDSM
• Brat = (Engl. brat) a term usually used for subs who intentionally provoke their Dom by being naughty, breaking rules, etc.
• Brat Tamer = The dominant counterpart of the Brat. His/her job is to put the Brat in his/her place
• Bunny  = the bound sub in → bondage

C

• CNC = Consensual Non-Consent à Metaconsensus. This refers to role-playing games in which it is pretended that the partner had not given consent for the sexual acts (e.g. rape fantasies, violent fantasies)
• Cock and Ball Torture (CBT  ) for penis and testicle torture; the sexual, pleasurable, and painful stimulation of the penis and scrotum
• Coming out  = recognizing and admitting to one's tendencies; a distinction is made between personal/internal (to oneself) and social/external (to society, friends, and family) coming out
• Consensual  = Engl. for consensual
• Cross-dressing  = wearing the specific clothing of the opposite sex
• Cuckold  = a man who, in a stable partnership, obtains sexual satisfaction through his partner's intimate contact with other men; he can be dominant, voyeuristic, masochistic, and/or submissive

D

• Daddy-Kink = The daddy-kink has gained notoriety in recent years. The term originally comes from the DDLG dynamic. Today, the “role play” of a caring older man and a young, naive girl is also performed to a lesser extent in the Vanillas
• DDLG/DDlg = Daddy-Dom and Little Girl are roles within a form of ageplay. Little or Little girl stands for a person who likes to behave like a child. Daddy-Dom behaves towards Little in a caring but also educational manner.
• Deepthroating = A variant of oral sex in which the penis/dildo is taken entirely down the throat
• Dom  = dominant (determining) partner who finds the excitement and excitement in the control, the power over the → sub
• submissive  = submissive → sub

E

• Erotic Power Exchange (EPE)  = English for. erotic power exchange; a BDSM relationship that emphasizes the sexual aspect, since the shift in control from passive to active partner does not affect everyday life; there they are equal; the opposite is → Total Power Exchange

f

• femdom  = (female domination); female dominance in → BDSM
• Fetishism  = sexual fixation on objects, materials, or body parts such as breasts, feet, or navel
• Flogger  = special whip (strap whip) with a short handle and soft cords made of materials such as suede, latex, or plastic
• Footjob  = stimulating the male member with the feet
• Frogtie  = bondage position in which the legs are tied to the thighs with the ankles (frog position); the wrists, in turn, are fixed on the outside of the leg restraints on the respective side or behind the back

G

• crop  = percussion instrument for → punishment; a thin, flexible stick
• History of O  = 1954 sadomasochistic novel by Pauline Réage detailing female submission
• Golden shower  = urinating on someone for pleasure → urophilia

H

• Collar  = collars (made of leather, metal, or latex) are mostly worn by → bottoms as a “possession symbol” of their cathedral
• Hard limits = are limits that are almost taboo for those who formulate them. Boundaries that must not be crossed
• Hogtie  = bondage position in which the bottom lies on his stomach and his wrists and ankles are tied behind him. The bound wrists and ankles are also tied together. The shorter this connection, the further the upper body rises. In addition, the upper arms or knees can be tied together

I

• injection  = a practice in the context of → clinic eroticism; injecting (sterile) liquids such as saline into the body with a syringe and needle (cannula); a distinction is made between subcutaneous (under the skin), intramuscular (into the muscle tissue) and intravenous (into the vein) injections; Medical knowledge is a prerequisite

J

• Japan bondage  = (also: Shibari); is artistic bondage for aesthetic reasons, it only serves to immobilize the bottom; in Japan itself, one speaks of “Kinbaku”.

K

• clinic eroticism  = (also: clinic games, white BDSM, doctor games); a sexual practice related to medical examinations or hospital stays, mostly in the form of a role-play between doctor and patient
• gag  = object to insert into the → sub's mouth to prevent him from speaking; the ball gag (also: ball gag) is particularly popular, consisting of a rubber ball with 2 straps that are connected behind the head, with the ball in the mouth

L

• Lacquer, leather, latex  =  popular materials in BDSM → fetish

M

• Masochism  =  the pleasure of pain and being tormented; after the involuntary namesake Leopold von Sacher-Masoch
• Mommy-Kink = similar to the Daddy-Kink. In the role-play, the Mommy (dominant part) has the role of the motherly and caring woman
• Mummification  = form of → bondage, in which the whole body or individual parts of the body are wrapped with suitable material to restrict the sub's freedom of movement, eg cling film

N

• Nadelrad  = (also: Wartenbergrad; Pinwheel); a medical instrument used as a toy in → BDSM, it consists of a handle with a small wheel with spikes at the ends, which is rolled over the skin with light pressure
• Pee  = urine
• Cat-Nine-tails  = a multi-stranded whip with braided ends → Flogger

O

• Objectification  = treating the sub as an object as part of an educational measure, e.g. as a piece of furniture
• O-ring (ring of the O) =  symbol from the → “History of the O”; an iron ring in which another small ring is embedded by means of a ball; Signs of recognition in the BDSM scene

P

• Paddle  =  flat striking tool made of leather or wood
• Pegging  = a sexual practice in which a man is anally penetrated by a woman using a strap-on
• Petplay  = erotic role-playing game in which the sub slips into the role of an animal behaves accordingly, and is treated as such; particularly common: Ponyplay, Dogplay & Pigplay
• Primal Play = Primal Play is about raw emotions. Scratching, biting, growling, it's about a very primitive lust drive and it can therefore also be a bit rough.
• Primal Dom = also Predator (to German predator) is the dominant part in Primal Play. The dom usually "hunts" its prey and seeks to subdue it.
• Primal Sub = also called Primal Prey (prey for German prey), is the submissive part of Primal Play. Of course, the Prey can also defend himself/herself in this kind of power imbalance.

Q

• Queening  = (also: Facesitting); refers to a sex practice in which one partner places their privates on the other's face for oral stimulation

R

• Rigger  = bondage artist; the actively captivating part of bondage
• Rope marks = The imprints of the rope on the skin after bondage.

S

• Sadism  = gratification and pleasure from tormenting and humiliating others; Sadism is named after the French nobleman Marquis de Sade; the opposite is → masochism
• Safeword  = the agreed code for stopping a BDSM act
• session  = (also: game); denotes the period of time during which BDSM practices are engaged in
• Slowword =  special form of the → safe word with which the bottom does not indicate that the game should be stopped, but that the top should approach it more slowly or more gently; often practiced in the form of the → traffic light system
• Soft Limits = Limits that may be allowed to be exceeded in the future with increasing confidence and practice
• Spanking  = to spank someone's bottom with bare hands or tools such as → paddle etc
• Safe, sane, and consensual (SSC)  = BDSM basic rule; safely, with a clear mind, and in mutual consent
• Sub (Submissive)  = Bottom; the submissive (submissive) partner who voluntarily relinquishes a certain amount of self-determination during a pleasure-gain session
• Suspension bondage  = suspension bondage; Bondage, in which the bottom is levitating, suspended horizontally, vertically, with the head down or up on a bondage harness
• Switch, switcher  = someone who does not want to commit to a role in BDSM practices, but switches between dom and sub

T

• Tease and denial (T&D  ) for arouse and deny; sexual practice to increase arousal without achieving orgasm
• Temperature game  = during a → session, toys and accessories are used for additional stimuli that deviate greatly from the body temperature of the bottom, eg ice cubes or → wax
• Total Power Exchange (TPE  ) for total power exchange; is a BDSM partnership concept with the constant presence of the power imbalance in non-sexual areas of life, such as work, family, and finances; there is no demarcation between → session and real life
• Tunnel games  = games that once started can no longer be broken off, e.g. administration of sexual enhancers, rubbing with burning (thermal) creams, ginger or essential oils, use of nettles → urtication

u

• urtication  = (also: flaming or nettling); whipping with stinging nettles to achieve a strong skin stimulus → tunnel play
• urophilia  = (also: undinism); the sexual preference for urine

V

• Vanillas  = people who practice sex without BDSM elements

W

• Wax  = as part of a → temperature game, hot, liquid wax is dripped onto the body
•  water sports for games with urine → golden shower, pee

X

• X position  = (also: spread eagle); Position in bondage in which the bottom is tied to the bedpost or other four separate points, lying on their back or stomach with their arms and legs wide apart, e.g. B. on a St. Andrew's cross

Y

• Y-position  = the → bottom is hung up over his head with his arms tied together and his legs spread wide, whereby the Y-shape is created and, for example, the genitals are easily accessible

Z

• Caning  = Punishment by inflicting physical pain → Spanking

Would you like to try out the dominant role? In our Date Box Domina you will find everything you need to take the reins!