Slow Sex: A Guide to Being Mindful During Sex

Slow Sex stands for conscious, intimate, and mindful togetherness - without orgasm pressure. Developing a new mindfulness for what is happening at the moment - and the possibility of mega orgasms without chasing the next climax. But what's behind the new sex trend Slow Sex? Here you'll find everything you need to know about slow sex and get a step-by-step guide on how to approach slow sex with closeness and intimacy.

What is Slow Sex?

Slow sex is also called pleasure sex. But it is not about sex in slow motion - but about conscious sex. The great art of slow sex is to be completely present at the moment and to allow yourself to feel and consciously perceive everything. The South African Diana Richardson has decisively coined the term Slow Sex. An expert in love, meditation, and tantra, she and her husband have been teaching the "new style of loving" for a few years now, giving workshops and writing a book on the art of mindful loving.

Slow sex is about being aware of all the details in your own body and feeling more - without any pressure or intentions. To fully surrender to what is happening and to feel yourself very precisely. The focus of Slow Sex is to be able to let go completely, to perceive your own body (again), and to allow feelings. There are no right or wrong feelings. Everything is welcome: Joy, pleasure, anger, sadness, etc.

If you relax deeply, breathe consciously, and listen honestly to your body, after some time you can perceive very subtle energy flows. The result of this mindfulness is a deep, loving, and healing union. Precisely because the familiar erogenous zones are not stimulated, new points of pleasure can even be found through new attention and observation.

Is orgasm the goal of slow sex?

For many, the goal during sex is to reach orgasm. But that puts a lot of women under pressure because they need longer or it simply does not come to climax. Slow sex is about the many small moments on your journey of discovery, intimacy, and closeness. Exploring all these issues will lead you to become much more sensitive. Orgasm is NOT the goal - rather, it is a conscious abandonment of orgasm. 

During the exploration journey, breaks can be taken at any time in between, and go back to just exploring your body or each other's before returning to mindful penetration or even combining the two. 

When you then come to orgasm, you will be able to experience a whole new quality of your sexuality. An orgasm that happens out of relaxation and slowness and thus has a very special intensity.

What happens in our bodies during slow sex?

During slow sex, the bonding and happiness hormone oxytocin is released in masse. You feel the relaxation and experience physical closeness without having to wait for the fireworks feeling of orgasm. Thus, slow sex strengthens the bond.

Why Slow Sex?

Pressure to perform, goals, stress - we all know it. Especially the professional everyday life often consists of requirements that we try to meet. According to the motto higher, faster, further, we work a lot and sometimes for a long time. The eternal sitting in front of the screen (especially in the last two years) or the increased pressure at work due to staff shortages, let us quickly lose focus for the important things. We immediately and sometimes even unconsciously adopt patterns from our daily work routine for our private lives, so dinner has to be cooked quickly, the kids in bed early or the laundry dried quickly.

And what happens to our love life? In principle, exactly the same.  For example, many of us feel we have to "perform" in bed as well. We seem almost addicted to chasing ever more intense and satisfying climaxes, simply because we are used to having to perform.

We no longer ask ourselves what our partner might want, or even what we want at all. And this is where Slow Sex comes into play.

 

 

What role does mindfulness play in slow sex?

Mindfulness in Slow Sex plays a very important role. We can distinguish between two levels: On the one hand, the perception of one's own body in order to arrive completely at oneself, and on the other hand, the conscious registration of the reactions and feelings of the other person.

Especially during routine sex, we are often in "autopilot mode": we perform the same patterns again and again in order to get our partner to orgasm or to arouse him or her. Often, of course, this has the distinct disadvantage of making sex monotonous, but more importantly, especially in terms of slow sex, is the fact that we lose sight of ourselves. Our partner is in the foreground for us and we completely forget to ask ourselves: What do I actually want? How do I want to be touched? Do I want to try something new? After all, sex should be fun for both of us and a pleasant and beautiful experience for both of us.

Mindfulness is therefore key to connecting with your own body and exploring what feels good. At the same time, it is also important to understand what may not feel so good. Body awareness exercises like the Body Scan are helpful methods to strengthen the connection between body and mind.

Is Slow Sex suitable for me?

Let's be honest - have you ever experienced any of the following situations? If so, then you should definitely give Slow Sex a try!

• You think you already know all of your partner's erogenous zones and his touch doesn't really turn you on anymore, or you feel like sex has fallen asleep
• You feel pressure to orgasm during sex and you don't manage it or you've never come because you don't manage to let yourself go
• Your solo fun with masturbation is not satisfying you properly
• You feel that the connection with your partner has been lost
• You are newly in love and can't get it up because of the pressure to succeed or perform.
• You are a young mom and you are too tired for sex
• You respect penetration after pregnancy and want to slowly approach the topic of sexuality again.

 

How does Slow Sex work? A tutorial for connoisseurs

Preparation for Slow Sex

Nothing should distract you during slow sex! Therefore, remove all distractions from the room: turn off your cell phone and find a quiet place where you can spend a few hours undisturbed. Provide a pleasant atmosphere, if you like candles, spread some around the room. You can also quietly play your favorite playlist.

• Arrive in the here and now

Sit down in a relaxed and comfortable position and close your eyes. Breathe deeply into your belly and out again. This strengthens your connection to your body and frees your mind from thoughts. This short attunement helps you to arrive in the moment.

• Change awareness

Shift your consciousness and tell yourself that orgasm is not the goal of slow sex. Free yourself from performance or achievement thoughts: the orgasm can happen... or not. It's okay how it comes, those you don't have to impress, don't have pressure, and most importantly, have a whole lot of time. 

For more tips on how to increase body awareness and mindfulness during slow sex, check out our Date Box "SLOW SEX" - developed with sexperts!

• Feel body proximity

To begin your journey of discovery, get undressed - or not, as you prefer. Lie down in bed together and be close to each other. Touch each other tenderly and relax your bodies. Really let the pressure and hustle and bustle of everyday life completely fall away from you for once and focus only on the moment.

Slow Sex Foreplay

Here you build up the excitement step by step, without the ulterior motive or to "work" towards an orgasm specifically. Allowed is what feels good!

• First approach: Tender kisses, nibbles, gentle massages, and slow caresses all over the body.
• Seeking eye contact: Look deeply into each other's eyes
• Conscious perception: How does it feel when his hand runs over your back?
• Talking to each other: Give each other feedback all the time, what feels good? What is not so pleasant?
• Breast massage: A gentle breast massage is very arousing and one of the most important pleasure points for a woman
• Mindful breathing: focus on your breath and always find your way back to this mindfulness.

In this journey of discovery, the focus is on your relaxation and not so much on arousal. Don't be afraid to give free rein to your feelings, to show when you feel good and which touches you particularly enjoy. Through this completely new way of getting close to your partner, you will also notice a different kind of arousal.

Intense positions for slow sex

Penetration is not a must during slow sex. But if it comes to it, then very slowly and delayed. Slow, sensitive, deliberate movements are the order of the day here. There are certain positions in which you can enjoy slow sex particularly intensively:

1. Missionary position: In this position, you can be very close to each other: You can kiss extensively and intimately, look deeply into each other's eyes, and also caress buttocks and back while you are tightly embraced.
2. Side break: you lie on your side and look at each other while he penetrates her. For more intensity, she puts her leg over his hips. Even if you have a partner, this position can help you create a much more intense closeness.
3. The dismayed angel: In this spooning position, both lie on their sides, the woman with her back to her partner's chest, and both assume the embryo position. This position is particularly intimate because it is a good position to penetrate the woman from behind, kiss and massage her back and play with her hair.
4. The glowing juniper: Here he sits upright on the bed. She presses her hip against his and lies on his legs. In this position, he can caress her clitoris while she can enjoy the feeling of absolute security.

Tip: If your partner comes faster than desired due to all the excitement, there is a clever trick to slow him down a bit and delay the orgasm: Press with a finger on the spot between the anus and the testicles. A touch at this point delays the ejaculation and you can slowly and comfortably continue to enjoy!

After Slow Sex

If you do climax, enjoy the intense aftershock of your orgasm. Absolutely taboo, however, are to jump quickly out of bed immediately afterwards and hectic dressing!

Lie still for a while, and enjoy the togetherness and the newfound intimacy between you. You may feel feelings that are new to you. Through the mindful togetherness, you may now be bursting with full energy or still quite animated by the experience. Revel in the feelings of happiness and conscious body awareness and then slowly come back to reality.

 

Want to try slow sex for yourself?

The detailed instructions with playlists and loving graphics - developed with sexperts - to try out Slow Sex are available in our Date Box Slow Sex.

The testimonial from Isa and the testimonial from Tom tell a very personal and intimate story about how they experienced Slow Sex with the Date Box from OH MY! FANTASY experienced.

Slow sex is pleasure sex!

Slow Sex is designed to help you slow down your love life and get to know yourself and your partner better. Just enjoy it and relax, because your love life is not a "performance".