Why slow sex?
Pressure to perform, goal orientation, stress - we all know it. Especially the professional everyday life often consists of demands that we try to meet. According to the motto higher, faster, further, we work a lot and sometimes for a long time. The eternal sitting in front of the PC (especially in the last two years) or the increased pressure at work due to staff shortage, let us quickly lose focus for the important things. We immediately and sometimes even unconsciously adopt patterns from our daily work routine for our private life, so dinner has to be cooked quickly, the kids have to be in bed early or the laundry has to dry as quickly as possible.
And what happens to our love life? In principle, exactly the same. For example, many of us feel we have to "perform" in bed as well. We seem almost addicted to chasing ever more intense and satisfying climaxes, simply because we are used to having to perform.
Sometimes we even lose focus on our partner and forget to ask what he or she wants, what feels good or what we could enjoy together. And this is exactly where slow sex comes into play.
What is slow sex?
The term slow sex was coined by South African Diana Richardson. She is an expert in love, meditation and tantra, has been teaching the "new style of loving" with her husband for a few years, gives workshops and has even written a book on the art of mindful loving.
Because that's what slow sex is all about: finding new pleasure points together through attention and observation. The focus is on being able to completely let go during sex, to perceive your own body (again) and to allow feelings. The great art of slow sex is being fully present in the moment and allowing yourself to feel everything. There are no right or wrong feelings. Everything is welcome: joy, desire, anger, sadness, etc. If you relax deeply, breathe consciously and honestly listen to your body, after a while you will be able to perceive very fine streams of energy. This mindfulness creates a deep, loving and healing union. So slow sex is about the many little moments on your journey of discovery and not about the orgasm as the goal. Therefore, slow sex is also referred to as pleasure sex.
What role does mindfulness play in slow sex?
Mindfulness in slow sex has two levels: on the one hand, the perception of your own body, in order to arrive at yourself; on the other hand, the attention to every touch and stimulation of the other. Especially when it comes to sex, we're often in "autopilot mode": We repeat the same patterns over and over again in order to get or arouse the other person. The focus on one's own perception often falls short. Mindfulness is therefore key to connecting with your body and feeling what feels good, while also understanding what might not feel so good. Body awareness exercises like the body scan are a helpful exercise to strengthen the mind-body connection.
What is the goal?
Slow sex is about the many small moments on your journey of discovery and not about the orgasm as the goal. You can also take breaks at any time in between and go back to pure exploration of your body before returning to mindful penetration, or combine both. Exploring all these questions will make you much more sensitive. When you do come to orgasm, you will be able to experience a whole new quality of your sexuality. An orgasm that happens out of relaxation and slowness and thus has a very special intensity.
How do I go about slow sex?
To start your journey of discovery, lie in bed together and be close, touch each other tenderly and relax yourselves and your bodies.
In this journey of discovery, the focus is on your relaxation and not so much on arousal. That comes in the next step: If you can hardly stand it, you can slowly change position. There are certain positions in which you can enjoy slow sex particularly intensively:
- Missionary position: In this position you can be very close: You can kiss, look into each other's eyes, and caress your bottom and back while you are tightly embraced.
- Lateral break: You lie on your side and face each other while he slowly penetrates her. She puts her leg over his hips for more intensity.
Conclusion: At the end, consciously take the time to let your shared experience end in peace. Thank your partner for the trust and tell each other what experience was new for you, whether you discovered new pleasure points and what you particularly liked.
Would you like to have your own slow sex experience?
The detailed instructions can be found in our Date Box slow sex.