The answer to the question, "Is watching porn okay?" is complicated. Porn is just a click away. Many use porn solo or as a couple. The pro and con list for or against pornography is long. Because the cinematic representation of explicit sexual content with the goal of sexual arousal of the consumer are often controversial and there is always controversy.
There are questions like: "Is porn addictive?", "Is porn harmful, especially for the younger target group?" or "How can a healthy use of porn look like?" This article finally answers in detail the most important advantages and disadvantages of pornography, and gives concrete tips on how you can enjoy your porn consumption with a clear conscience.
Pornography: What is it anyway?
Who now thinks: "Snore! We all know what porn is!" I beg your indulgence. When a topic is so charged, it sometimes helps to get back to basics, that is, to what it's primarily about.
Hand on heart (or pants?) - how many of you have ever watched porn or consume it on a regular basis? Probably most of them. As you then surely know, porn is characterized by the fact that they do not have too much action or dialogue, because it should go to the point. And fantasies are depicted and that's something we should remember. There is no real sex to be depicted, but fantasies and desires to be staged.
That doesn't sound bad at first, if you have a "sex-positive" attitude, that is, if in your sex life what you like and what everyone agrees with is allowed. From this perspective, porn would be purely negative because of an uptight, puritanical society and all that is needed is sexual liberation, but it's not quite that simple. So let's start with our pro, con list:
Contra: What's wrong with watching porn?
Porn depicts fantasies, but the question is whose fantasies are they? And the answer is unfortunately: often those of men. But that's even more accurate, namely of heterosexual, white men. Admittedly, men are also the most frequent porn consumers, but that's another chicken/egg story:
- Does porn depict men's fantasies because they are the most frequent consumers?
- Or do more men consume porn because their fantasies are depicted in it?
The answer, as is often the case, is complex; this list brings clarity to what can be a complicated discussion. Here begins the list of contra arguments about porn.
1. Objectification of women in porn
The first contra argument against porn concerns the objectification of women in erotic films. Porn is a wonderful mirror of our society, because we are so unimaginative that we also depict the power relations in them as we find them in real life. So I guess our imagination does know limits. And this is where it often gets problematic, because women in porn are usually portrayed as will-less but willing sex objects and thus objectified. And because women in porn are mostly just objects for the satisfaction of male lust, their desires and their lust are not decisive.
As if that wasn't enough, violence is also often perpetrated on them and they are often humiliated and degraded. And that probably explains why women don't watch as much porn as men. Because it is not particularly exciting for a woman when the woman in the porn is insulted and humiliated, I know, women are strange... But why do so many men actually like it? And isn't it possible without it? A wonderfully introspective article by a man who describes this dilemma based on his own biography is available here.
Objectification, by the way, applies not only to women, but also to other people, most of whom appear in porn only as fetishes. Ethnicities, body types, gender, sexualities become one category: "Asian", "Black", "Latina", "Transsexual", "BDSM". So where representation would be important, only fetishization takes place. They too play only a passive role and are subjected to fetishes and fantasies.
2. Porn as a basis for sex education
The second contra argument to porn concerns sex education. Because it becomes problematic when porn is understood as sex education and implemented in reality, especially for women. Because then these misogynistic scenarios are practiced on and with real women, usually without their consent. And women (especially young women) think that they must also perform these services and think they are good. This is one of the biggest criticisms, for example, even from people who want to abolish porn completely.
When does porn use begin?
Porn consumption starts early: about half of 11-16 year olds have seen online pornography at least once, most of them before 14. They don't even have to actively search for porn for this, but get pop-up ads when they search for relationships, medical information or sexual health topics. Male adolescents usually experience what they see much more positively than female adolescents, who usually report negative feelings, such as shock. Negative feelings decrease, however, the more often porn is viewed.
How does porn affect teens?
How exactly porn affects young people, or how it shapes and has shaped our sexuality, is not entirely clear, despite many studies. This is due to the complexity of the relationships. However, some negative effects have been proven: they lead to expectations (what men must like and women have to like), which can lead to anxiety, especially among young women. If these expectations are disappointed in real life, i.e. if the gap between what is seen in porn and what is experienced in real life is too large, sexual frustration can result.
Why is porn actually part of sex education?
Why do we learn from porn how sex works, what you can do? That this is problematic is clear, but is that where the problem lies with porn? Not really, because no porn claims to provide sex education. Porn tends to fill a vacuum among young people, for which adults - parents, guardians, teachers - are actually responsible. But they do not take their responsibility fully seriously.
But it is up to them to talk about sex, consent, boundaries, violence and also pleasure. This responsibility cannot and should not be ceded to porn. Then the complaint that young people fill their knowledge gaps with porn, get their questions answered, but don't take away what would really add value to them for a fulfilled sexuality doesn't hold water.
Recounting experiences with men who have enjoyed this particular form of sex education, Cindy Gallop in her amusing Ted Talk makes the call to "Make love not porn." And many have already heeded her call. The real films uploaded there are meant to contrast with the staging in porn and celebrate sexual diversity. The sex-positive platform lustery also offers real porn filmed by real couples.
3. Lack of consent in porn
The next contra argument to pornography revolves around the lack of consent during sex in porn: specifically, this means that contraception, e.g., through condoms or consent - consent - is not depicted in porn.
At the same time, however, watching porn influences the range of sexual practices, especially those that are increasingly depicted:
- Ejaculation in the partner's face
- Analsex
- Deepthroating during oral sex
This representation, in which actions are simply performed and women are classified as will-less objects, leads to the fact that such practices are then often performed without consent in real life as well.
4. Porn can be addictive
Porn addiction is another danger that can come along with porn consumption. In the case of addiction, porn is also used to deal with negative feelings or phases in life and to provide short-term relief. For those affected, the consequences can only be reversed with great willpower and require a mindful, slow engagement with one's own sexuality.
5. Unrealistic body image in porn
Another contra argument for pornography concerns the body image portrayed in erotic films with explicit sexual action. Porn portrays an unrealistic body image and negatively influences the body image of young people in particular. After all, most of them probably can't keep up with the busty women or the permanently erect men.
6. Porn influences gender stereotypes
Above all, porn influences gender stereotypes. Men have an active sexuality, can't control themselves, play a dominant role and watch porn, that's normal! Women, on the other hand, are passive because they seem to have no sexuality of their own, say "no" when they actually mean "yes" and are objects of desire who play with men. And this is where it gets dangerous: because these gender stereotypes become entrenched, especially among young men, and also lead to violence against women becoming normalized and thus accepted.
But this distorted perception of gender stereotypes also actively contributes to violence against women: Porn use is associated with sexual harassment and sexual assault among male college students. And men who watch hardcore porn are also more likely to be sexually violent. So a link between porn use and sexual violence toward women does exist and is not a myth of overprotective parents.
7. Poor pay in the porn industry
The porn industry is a very lucrative business, with billions of dollars in revenue. Unfortunately, this does not mean that the performers are paid fairly. Nor that the working conditions are good. This includes being able to refuse things that you don't want to do, regular breaks, agreement on the shooting partners or the script, and sex without condoms, but with STDs. In addition, many porn performers state that more and more extreme performances are demanded, and what the customers want is delivered.
For professional porn performers, the conditions are still comparatively "better" than for amateur performers, as the recommendable but depressing Netflix documentary "Hot Girls Wanted" shows. But as a sex worker, you generally have a precarious status, also legally.
In addition, there is a social stigma, which can be seen in the way abuse cases are handled in the porn industry. Even that is the best-case scenario, as many videos on free sites like Pornhub are shot and/or uploaded entirely against the will of the performers. It also doesn't seem to matter that some of the performers are minors or victims of human trafficking. This is hardly controlled, neither by the websites nor do the customers pay attention to it.
Pro Porn: What's the point of watching porn?
After this rather long list of contra arguments against pornography, let's take a look at the arguments in favor of responsible porn consumption - they exist, too! So let's start right away:
1. Porn expands sexual horizons
Porn, as we have already seen, is a source of information and thus often part of our sex education. This can also have advantages: we see sexual practices that we may not have known before, but might like to try, e.g. bondage or anal (we provide the appropriate equipment for this, just click on the links). This can broaden sexual horizons and also provide inspiration for your own sex life. But at least boost the imagination properly.
2. Porn for all sexual identities
LQBTQ+ young people often find themselves in porn - and unfortunately also often for the first time. This is because sex education at school usually does not provide them with any information about their sexual orientation. This potential of representing different sexual identities in porn is definitely present in pornography and can be seen as positive. The potential to discover one's own sexual being or the feeling of being the subject of desire is enormous. The problem here is the dominance of the heterosexual, male, white perspective in mainstream porn, which could be mitigated by more diverse films.
3. Porn industry discovers female pleasure
The porn industry has now discovered women as a market because they have more financial resources today, which they also like to invest in their sexual pleasure. As a result, there are also more porn sites that are aimed specifically at women and where it is produced by women, for women with women. Thereby especially female fantasies are to be realized.
Examples of this are the films of Erika Lust. She has been making erotic indie films since 2005, where the focus is on female pleasure and ethical production. The portal Bellesa is produced by women and emphasizes above all, realism with its motto "no fake orgasms" and is aware of its social responsibility. The platform Cheex produces films and podcasts and also gives workshops. At the platform Lustery, "real" couples submit their videos - here, consent and authenticity are the programs. These genuine alternatives to mainstream porn specifically focus on female pleasure and attract a growing fan base.
4. Ethical porn on the rise
The goal of this new movement is to appeal to all genders and to produce content that is fair and consensual. So not only porn that appeals to women is created, but also so-called "ethical porn" - porn that is produced under fair conditions, with consent and fair payment. And that costs, of course.
Unfortunately, though, ethical porn is often like organic meat: everyone knows it's better, but not everyone is willing to pay for it. This makes porn consumption political because it makes a difference in what we choose.
Conclusion of the pros and cons list on porn
If we look at the list of pro and con arguments about pornography, it could be summed up like this: There are enough good reasons not to watch mainstream porn. Because there are still unanswered questions why violence against women seems to be so central to male lust and why in our sexualized society we don't manage to educate our young people properly and leave this task to porn. However, much in the industry is also turning for the good and therefore our specific recommendation to watch porn with a clear conscience: If you don't want to do without porn completely, you can reach for ethical, fairly produced porn, where the woman as a subject definitely has her own will and desire. And this also lives out in the film!
