Debunking 5 Common Misconceptions About Female Sexual Desire

Who does not know it? You're in the supermarket, you've done your weekly shopping and while you're standing at the checkout, you're bored reading the latest headlines from various magazines. In addition to the latest rumors, you will also find baking recipes (right next to the instructions on how to lose weight) and then there are also articles like “ That’s what men like during sex! ’, ‘ Men can’t see these outfits anymore! ’, ‘ The best positions and how to present yourself best! “. And even on Instagram and Co. such articles are suggested. There are even posts on the internet about what a beautiful vulva looks like.

What. To the. Hell?! You have to ask yourself what such articles or contributions want to convey, especially to young girls and women. That they're dress-up dolls? Is that sex all about him? What is the goal?

Actually, the focus should be on the fact that we as women should know what we want and what feels good for us because this is the only way we can achieve equality in the bedroom. In fact, there are still many misconceptions and we would like to present five of them to you and more importantly - eliminate them for you.

Misconception #1: Being passive is sexy.

Many women take a more passive role in bed. But why is it that women are perhaps more inclined to “do the starfish” than vice versa?

A quick trip to history class can help here. Unfortunately, women have appeared in a more passive role for centuries. It was always a man who was in charge of a woman. It was the father who married her, the husband who gave her money and provided for her, and the sons she had to take care of. In all these roles, however, the woman hardly had anything to say. Due to the lack of educational opportunities, it was not possible for her to appear as an equal partner for a long time. We also see it often enough in historical films that, for example, people don't talk to her about her.

Another misconception is that passivity is associated with innocence or purity. If a woman stayed away from sexual things in particular, she was perceived as pure and therefore as a social role model. For men, who at that time mostly already had some sexual contacts, purity played no role at all. Of course, this also creates a gap on a sexual level that makes the woman dependent on the man and puts her in a passive position. She doesn't know anything, he has experience so what he's doing is probably right, whether it was good for her or comfortable.

Somehow this image has survived to this day. Sexually very active women are socially condemned and those who may have had only one partner or are even virgins are idealized (although being a virgin is also eventually labeled as being prudish, but that's another topic).

So the question that arises is this: is passivity really more attractive? Of course, there's nothing wrong with consciously choosing to be passive, like letting your partner spoil you or maybe even tie you up, but being passive is the ACTIVE choice . If you feel like you're only doing it because it's expected of you, try to break free.

Here are a few examples: during sex, pull him/her closer to you, wrap your legs around his/her waist, massage him/her, gently pull his/her hair, or whisper to him/her how good it feels. It's such simple little things to start with. As soon as your self-confidence is strengthened and you feel safe, you can also initiate sex. Don't block yourself because you think you have a role to fill!

Misconception #2: My partner can read minds.

We all know that unfortunately, this is not the case. Then why are we listing it here? Quite simply: the inhibition threshold is quite high when it comes to talking about sexual preferences. This is truer for some than for others. However, receiving praise is great and there is nothing better than hearing from your partner that you are good in bed or that what he/she did make you feel very good.

Giving feedback is incredibly important and we don't mean filling out a questionnaire. You can tell him/her in the meantime that you like what he/she is doing or that it feels good, that he/she should keep going etc. Don't be afraid to moan if you feel like it or if he/she feels like yours to whisper wishes.

Again, having to be quiet so you don't get caught can have its appeal, but otherwise don't be afraid to openly communicate what you want, because validation can be scary for you or your partner Give a self-confidence boost.

Apart from the fact that praise can also be an incentive to do it so well next time 😉.

Misconception No. 3: The OrgasMUST

The orgasm - the supposed goal, which one always chases after during sex. It is best to come with your partner and look like this, say this and that and...

When you mentally work through a list of things to look out for, it's a bit like doing your weekly shopping on a Saturday afternoon. Sex and orgasm become an absolute stress and they shouldn't be. As the saying goes, " The journey is the reward," you should simply engage in sex with your partner. When you relax, the rest will take care of itself. We have three more tips for you on how you can bring some calm into your sex life.

1. Relax

Yes, we know this sounds easier said than done BUT you will see that once you minimize anxiety and stress in your everyday life, orgasming just gets better and easier. Various studies have already come to this conclusion. Even if it sounds like work, try it. But please don't stress yourself because you want to try to minimize stress.

2. What turns you on? What relaxes you?

These could be two questions that some women may never have considered. If you have the questions " What makes me cum? ' or ' What turns me on? ' leave you at a loss, it may be time to look for these very answers. You don't have to figure it out all by yourself either. Your partner can even help you with this if you wish. Again, the magic word here is communication, but believe us - it pays off.

3. Me before Us

If you can orgasm alone, you can with your partner because you know what feels good and what is fun. We know that masturbation has long been a taboo subject, but it doesn't have to be.

Focus on yourself, maybe get inspiration from sounds, instructions, or erotic stories, explore your body to find out what feels good for you and you will quickly notice what kind of stimulation your body reacts to and how.

Again, try to just focus on the sensations and not on reaching orgasm as quickly as possible. Remember: the way is the goal.

Misconception #4: Sexual sparkle only comes at the beginning of a relationship.

The beginning of a relationship is always exciting. You don't want to keep your hands off each other. There is a sexual sizzle in the air and the reasons include:

• You don't really know this man/woman yet.
• You don't always know when you're going to have sex or what the sex will be like.
• You wonder how his/her friends and family are.
• You're not quite sure where the relationship is going.

You literally have butterflies in your stomach but at some point…. Are they old pigeons (at least that's what you think). You know what you have, whether on a purely personal level or in the bedroom, and you somehow appreciate it, but at the same time... you fear that this routine will ruin the relationship.

But to take away your fears, this is normal. Your body would eventually just break down trying to keep this hormone cocktail alive. But what do you do if you have the desire to somehow revive this crackling? Here, too, we are happy to help with a few tips.

1. Sexting

Why not just write some salacious texts? Write him/her before work or maybe from work about what you plan to do with him/her or how boring it is without the other. For example, you could write something like, "I can't wait to make love to you later" or "I have a hard time concentrating at work, all I can think about is putting your mouth in your mouth." If you want also with a picture. Just don't get caught and make sure you're sending it to the right person. If it accidentally ends up on the official mailing list, it could be a little embarrassing. ;) 

2. Bye baby

Next time you say goodbye, why not just give a little taste of the reunion? Whisper something in his or her ear to keep your thoughts with him/her. We also have two small examples for this: "I wish I didn't have to go, I'm really wet" or "Too bad I have to go to work, I want to jump into bed with you again".

3. The allure of the forbidden

Sometimes public events or places can have an eerie appeal. You can also use these situations as inspiration to heat up your partner. Say something like, "I wish we weren't with my parents right now. All I can think about is ripping your clothes off" or "We shouldn't have come to that party, I'm way too horny." You may have never seen your partner run to the car so quickly.

Of course, there are other options, such as sex toys, where one partner has the remote control and the other wears said toy in or on himself, but this idea may be something for the braver 😉 You could also use our help to plan some exciting date nights.

All of these tips can of course be adapted depending on the situation and the nature of your relationship, but we hope we have given you some ideas when it comes to making sure that your relationship doesn't "fall asleep".

Misconception #5: My body needs to look perfect during sex.

Women are under particular social pressure when it comes to their appearance. As is well known, this starts with the figure, and continues with the clothing and even when it comes to sex, women are often tried to be persuaded that it is important to look like this.

And that's nonsense! The porn industry certainly plays a not-insignificant role here. We are influenced by them and by the media, in general, all day long. We learn what an avoidably beautiful body is and what constitutes it, and if we find something about ourselves that cannot be seen in these beautifully edited images, we panic and just watch each other.

We've touched on it before, but not being comfortable in your own body and having to worry about how you look during sex is incredibly counterproductive. However, if you accept yourself as you are and feel comfortable in your body, you will be able to let yourself go completely and will also notice that sex takes on a whole new quality.

Thoughts like "My buttocks aren't firm enough and are wobbly too much.", "I have cellulite." or "My stomach isn't flat enough." are just a hindrance. If you have really strong self-doubt, you can also talk to your partner. Especially the first example is perceived by men, among other things, exactly the opposite, and the last thing that should interest you in sex is cellulite. You should be busy with completely different things.

Remember, everyone is desirable and deserves to feel the same way, and if someone is complaining about the shape of your boobs or your body hair, he or she is just not worth your time! Your body, your choice!

Now that we're at the end of this post, really take the time to think about it all and ask yourself: What applies to me? And even more important: What can and do I want to change? We know that you can't suddenly wake up the next day and do everything right away, but don't worry about it. Rome wasn't built in a day either and no one is asking you to be a sex goddess right away.

Start small, look in the mirror and discover your beautiful sides, talk to your partner, follow the tips we gave you if you feel comfortable with it, and just enjoy becoming more and more confident and confident. Self-love is really sexy and once you improve your relationship with yourself and your sexuality, you will find that you can become the goddess that is actually within you.