Mom sex: How to (re)discover your sexuality as a mother

Unfortunately, a woman's sex life is still a social taboo once she becomes a mother. The role is focused on caring for the child, sexuality and one's own lust as a mother takes a back seat.

This article debunks the myth: Lisa from  PleasePinchMeHard, who herself struggled with her sexuality as a mom for a long time, gives you concrete tips on how to ( again) approach your own sexuality and desire as a mother and how to respond to the physical and psychological changes to respond to pregnancy with self-love.

1. Desire and libido - what is that actually?

When we talk about lust as a mom, we should first clarify a few terms: lust and libido are two terms that are often confused with each other. But what exactly is the difference?

• Lust is the desire for sexual stimulation and activity.
• Libido, on the other hand, refers to the physical and mental energy required for sexual activities and acts.

In other words, lust is a desire for sex, libido is putting it into practice. Many mothers find it difficult to regain both their desire and their libido after giving birth. Having a child is a stressful time and can often lead to a decrease in libido, and the need for sexual activity or intimacy. That's perfectly normal.

It might help to know that the majority of mothers don't feel like having sex after having a baby. The simple reason for this is that new mothers simply don't have the time or energy for intimacy. It is therefore completely normal that you have less desire for sex in the first few months after the birth of your child - after all, you have just had a baby and have to take care of it intensively and your body is just recovering from the hardships of your birth. But when the child is a bit older, it's also time you regain your libido.

2. About the danger of losing yourself as a mom

Many women embrace motherhood, but there is a risk that you are neglecting yourself. During this time, many new mothers make the mistake of investing more energy than they have in caring for their children. There is nothing left for them. But you can change that little by little. In order for you to find yourself again, it is important to consciously create some time for yourself, in which you only do something for yourself.

In order for you to be a good mom to your growing child, accepting yourself is an essential requirement. And that includes accepting the hormonal and psychological changes that birth brings with it. Only those who accept themselves can also love themselves.

But don't put yourself under pressure and give yourself time! Your partner should support you in this process and understand that you have to get used to your new body first. With a little time and patience, you will soon feel comfortable in your body again.

3. How to regain your sexual energy as a mother

If you, as a mother, have a lower libido than before pregnancy, there are a few things you can do to regain your sexual energy:

• Take time for your new body. Be proud of yourself! You gave me a new life! Do a kind of “ inventory ”. Do you still feel pain? Scar? Don't like your boobs because you're breastfeeding? Do you have problems with your stomach? learn to accept yourself This is the first important step!
• Communication is the A&O in your relationship! Talk openly with your partner about the loss of desire and your personal boundaries that have changed since pregnancy and birth.
• Adjust your sleep schedule : One of the main reasons for low libido in moms is lack of sleep. If you don't get enough sleep, you don't have the energy for sex—or anything else. So try to adjust your sleep cycle so that you sleep at least 7-8 hours every night. Easier said than done, but short naps during the day can also help boost your energy levels.
• Create your own personal Secret Garden: Take a few minutes each day for yourself to switch off and relax. This secret garden is a place of retreat that helps you to feel good in your body and that needs to be nurtured and cared for like a garden. See the next section for tips on how to cultivate this secret garden.

4. Secret Garden suggestions for your new mommy lust

It is important that you also allow yourself phases after the pregnancy in which you only take care of yourself and not your child or other obligations. We call this the personal "Secret Garden". During your personal me-time-out, you can do the following:

• Take a hot bath or massage.
• Be active: Exercise not only helps your body but also your psyche. Therefore, exercise regularly or do other physical activities. How about a walk through the park? This has a positive effect on your hormone balance and your sense of pleasure.
• Painting, handicrafts, and creative design can also help you.
• Meditation and yoga can also help you with this. 
• Reading erotic stories can reignite your lust and take you far away.
• Or even write erotic short stories yourself.

5. What Factors Affect Female Libido? 

Our female libido is an interplay of biological, psychological, and social factors. Overall, this question is not easy to answer because it is still largely unexplored. Hormones play an important role in any case, but they are not the only decisive factor. The diet also plays a role. By the way, foods that promote blood circulation are also good for the libido! All foods that heat the body and blood increase the libido. Vanilla, ginkgo, nutmeg, and ginseng to name just a few. How about an intimate dinner with your partner that specifically includes these foods? Let your creativity run wild!

6. Five tips for a joyful life as a mother in a partnership

• Boost Your Confidence: Tell Yourself You Are The Best Mom Alive . Focus on your strengths and don't look at your weaknesses. Enjoy being a great mom.
• Enjoy being a woman:  Keep reminding yourself that you are a desirable woman and that you want tenderness and intimacy. Enjoy erotic solo time with yourself. 
• Don't compare yourself: be proud of what you achieve as a mother and don't compare yourself to other mothers.
• Plan Quality Time for Two: Plan romantic dates with your partner. Our dating boxes can help you with that. The perfect start after pregnancy is our Slow Sex Box or Tantra Massage Box

CONCLUSION on sexuality as a mother

Finally, it should be noted that every mom does her own thing. You don't have to be perfect. Nobody is perfect! Enjoy carving your own path as a mother and wife. And discover your new personal desire! Get involved! Being a wife and mother always involves a certain balancing act, but an exciting one. Accept that being a mother has changed you - for the better! Your life is enriched! You were able to discover a whole new facet of yourself. With all the new big challenges you grow a little bit every day. This is fantastic!

You and all other mothers are wonderful, strong, and admirable women! Viva la Mama!

This blog post was created based on the Insta-Live with Lisa from

PleasePinchMeHard deals with the topic of mothers and sexuality in a creative and educational way. She herself is a mother of two children and has just published her first erotic short stories. Have a look there, it's worth it!