Loss of Libido: How to improve your libido

In everyday life, all sorts of factors can reduce libido or even make the desire for sex disappear completely. With these tips from a sex educator Claudia and psychologist Amelie you counteract the loss of libido and improve your libido. 

The libido is constantly changing

Desire for sex is not an innate or stable personality trait. Anyone whose sexual desire changes after, for example, drinking a little alcohol, being very stressed or with an extremely attractive person knows this to flirt. So there aren't just people with high or low sex drives.

Instead, there is a huge range of things that can influence our desire:

• stimuli from the environment
• certain social situations
• certain behavior
• own condition and
• certain thoughts...

This is because our sexuality is linked to all areas of our lives and so theoretically all of this can influence our desire for more or less sex.

What factors inhibit or accelerate my libido?

Different people don't inherently have more or less sexual desire. But: It becomes whole with each of us individually and stimulated and inhibited in very different ways: by desire accelerators and desire brakes.

We all have our own personal set of pleasure accelerators that fuel our desire and desire for sex.

Some stimuli have a big effect on us even in small amounts, while others require a good dose to have an impact Perceive a change in our desire.

Why is it if I don't feel like it very much?

In addition to lust accelerators, there are also lust brakes that down-regulate our lust. This can be, for example, stress, health problems, worries, alcohol, diets and many other things. If you have little desire for sex, your body and brain are particularly sensitive to desire brakes. Even if only one of them is present, it will be harder for you to get going. Maybe you also need more pleasure accelerators to get aroused at the same time.

Can I change my Lust Accelerator and Lust Brakes?

You have developed your pleasure accelerators and brakes along your sexual learning history and they meanwhile belong to you like your gestures, for example. You can therefore only influence them to a very limited extent. 

Nevertheless, it can of course be that you would like to feel a little more desire for sex.

Then today we have 7 tips for you on how to improve your libido:

Tip 1: Explore your lust brakes

Many of us find it difficult to own our own pleasure factors to name specifically. Sometimes a little exercise helps.

Recall a rather negative sexual experience in the past. It doesn't have to be terrible, just not that great. Write down what you remember in as much detail as possible. 

Perhaps the following questions will help you work out why it wasn't fulfilling for you:

• How was the setting? Did the encounter take place in a more private or public space, in everyday life or outside of it?
• How were the living conditions? For example, was it a particularly stressful time?
• how were you For example, was your physical health limited, your body image or your mood? Have you been worried, distracted, or worried about your sexual performance?
• How were you with your partner? Did you dislike her/his physical appearance, her/his smell, or was it her/his behavior?
• how was yours relationship? Was there trust and/or an emotional bond? Was there a particular power dynamic? Did you feel wanted?
• What have you done together? What sexual practices have you used? Which parts of the body were touched or not touched?
• What happened before your sexual encounter and what happened after?

Tip 2: Explore your pleasure accelerators

Now think about a really good sexual encounter in the past. Try to remember as many details as possible and write them down. Now go through the following questions to find out what factors made the experience enjoyable:

• How was the setting? Did the encounter take place in a more private or public space, in everyday life or outside of it?
• How were the living conditions? For example, was it a particularly relaxing time?
• how were you For example, were you happy, in love, healthy, particularly relaxed? How did you feel? did you feel safe
• How were you with your partner? Did you like her/his physical appearance, his/her smell? How did he/she behave?
• how was your relationship Did you have an emotional bond? Was there a particular power dynamic? Did you feel wanted?
• What have you done together?
• What sexual practices have you used? which parts of the body were so touched or not touched?
• What happened before your sexual encounter and what happened after?

Now read your notes carefully. Do you notice environments, situations, or conditions that you need to perceive sex as pleasurable or pleasurable? not being able to experience it so pleasurably? Note these too.

Create pleasurable conditions Now you can use all your knowledge to create your own personal pleasure-enhancing conditions. Ask yourself: 

• What can I do specifically so that as many of my pleasure accelerators as possible surround me?
• What can I do so that as few of my lust brakes as possible surround me? Arrange for child-free evenings? let boredom set in? To book a vacation?

Did this exercise not work so well for you? Then it may help you more to consciously observe during sexual encounters with yourself or others from now on what really gets you going and what tends to inhibit your desire.

Either you do it quietly whenever you end up in such a situation. Or you consciously try out different things and notice what you like and what you don't.

Tip 3: Explore your sex-positive context

In her book Come As You Want, Emily Nagoski distinguishes between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. Spontaneous desire simply occurs when, for example, you see a sexy person or have an erotic thought. This spontaneous desire is more common in men than in women. With responsive desire, you don't want sex until sexy things are about to happen. That means you are already doing and the desire comes with it. Neither of them is better or worse. Both types of desire have their pros and cons.

We feel desire when arousal meets an appropriate context. This appropriate context looks different for each person. For many people it can be a relaxed environment or having time for sex. how does one see sex positive context out for you?

Tip 4: Watch your cycle and your sexual desire

Some women experience increased sexual desire around the time of ovulation. For others, sexual desire comes especially around the time of their period. For still others, hormonal birth control can cause their libido to decrease. Monitor your cycle and try to get a feel for what factors are affecting your libido.

Tip 5: Connect with your body

Do you know the feeling of sexual desire? When was the last time you felt it? how does it feel for you Where did you feel it in your body? How did yours Vulva and your vagina felt?

In everyday life we spend a lot of time in our heads and often forget to pay attention to our bodies. Sexual desire often expresses itself through our bodies. That's why we can learn to perceive our body more strongly again. The best way to do this is to take a few minutes a day and consciously feel it in our body. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, then consciously feel your body. You can give each part of your body a few seconds of attention. Above all, you may consciously perceive your vulva and vagina.

Tip 6: Sexual fantasies and desires

When we have a desire, we often have Fantasien in the head, which we usually experience as fun and exciting. However, fantasies can also trigger unpleasant feelings. For example, when these fantasies are "wrong" or "degrading" in our perception.

Are you comfortable with your sexual fantasies? If you're uncomfortable with your fantasies, sex counseling or sex therapy can help.

Your sexual desire is also influenced by your fantasies. If you don't allow yourself your sexual fantasies, your desires can suffer as well.

We can also consciously use fantasies to activate our desire. For example, a daydream can trigger a desire for sex.

Tip 7: Rediscover curiosity

The first step to (re)developing your sexual desire is to be curious. Even if you think you know yourself and your partner inside and out sexually, there is always something to discover new things. When we are more mindful about sexuality, we often notice things that we didn't notice before. Trying out new things in bed also helps rediscover your curiosity. In the best case, there are new pleasurable encounters that you can think of to rekindle your desire.

Also stay curious about yourself, your body and your (sexual) feelings towards it. There is always something new to discover about yourself. If we stay with sexuality with full awareness, we can rediscover different aspects of touch. How does it feel to be lightly caressed or with more pressure? With which touches and with which intensity do you get a feeling of "wanting more"? Our Date boxes provide guidance and inspirationto discover new things - solo or in a relationship!

Summary: Create a sex-positive context to enhance your libido

As you can see, many factors play a role in improving your libido.

To regain your sexual desire, ask yourself honestly how pleasurable your sexuality is for you and how you could make your sexuality even more pleasurable. Create a sex-positive context for your sexual desire, in which you really have the opportunity to feel it. Stay curious about yourself and possibly your partner too.

Are you looking for more tips for a better libido? 

In our Telegram channel Pleasure Sunday you will receive an impulse for more desire in your life every Sunday!