How much sex is "normal" and what does "normal" actually mean?
Many of the posts here on our blog are about how to talk about sex, how sex can be more fulfilling for one or the other, or how to refresh your relationship, but how much sex is actually "normal"? How much sex do you need to have a happy relationship and does sex even define such a relationship?
In the following, we want to clarify these questions with and for you and get to the bottom of them.
Measuring with double standards?
Before we go to the facts and figures come, it probably makes sense to do away with the gender-specific prejudices that concern the respective sex drive. What is meant by that should be explained with a little story.
A few years ago, a meme was sent to my class at the time. In principle, the picture was divided into two halves. One was a boy who by the age of 14 had slept with different girls and the other the same scenario but with the genders reversed. The writing on the picture was: "If you're a girl and you sleep with different guys, you're a hoe. bitch) but as a boy you're a great player." Even then I found it unfair what this double standard was supposed to do.
Our sex drive does not define us as people and has nothing to do with our qualities. Judging someone for this is very offensive and is not our place at all. Unfortunately, we are taught the same way from an early age. It's easy to catch yourself thinking unconsciously, "She doesn't deserve anything different if she has someone different every week." It can be completely irrelevant to us who another person sleeps with and how often he does so. Not to mention that we don't judge it that way in men because we've been taught that men think about sex pretty much any time of the day or night. That is also absolutely not true. Men have the same right to say when they don't feel like it as do women. However, women also have the right to decide for themselves that they would like to have more sex. If you don't believe us, we'll show you with a study from Canada that there aren't that big differences between women and men.
How much sex is "normal"?
For couples
As previously mentioned, we are referring to one here Canadian study, conducted by psychologist Amy Muise and her team at the University of Toronto. Around 30,000 people were asked about their sex life. It is important to mention here that the participants in this study were almost all in a relationship or married. In the course of this study, it became clear that couples are satisfied with having sex once a week. So men don't only think about sex and are therefore not really different from women. This was one of the most important results, which helped a lot to break up and do away with clichés.
Perhaps some now say that these results cannot be representative enough for Germany because they were collected in the USA. In fact, that's not true. Also in here Germany Both men and women aged 18-35 have sex around five times a month. From age 36, the average drops to four times a month.
Singles
It's a little different for singles. According to Study of the University Hospital in Hamburg-Eppendorf, the sex life of singles is much quieter than is often illustrated in the media. It doesn't always go from one party to the next. One really should not underestimate the role of the media here, as they often suggest things that are not true. A film or a series is always fiction somewhere and it is also quite clear that, for example, in series that are intended to make as much profit as possible, things are shown that are interesting and exciting for the viewer. Hot sex scenes are definitely a part of this, but they also support a few stereotypes about what sex should be like and how often we should get intimate with someone.
In short, singles aren't more sexually active just because they're "more free" and nobody asks them where they've been at home.
International
Even if Canada and Germany are similar, it can look quite different in other cultural areas and countries. Depending on the situation, you may have more sex in other countries and less in others. Here, too, it should be pointed out that the results of such examinations do not always apply to everyone.
In year 2007 In an international comparison, Germany ended up in the upper middle field with 103 times sex a year. Greece was the leader at the time with 164 times.
In Asia, on the other hand, things look much "worse". In Japan, couples get together in the bedroom an average of 48 times a year. It was similar in Thailand too. Also, both countries did not see sex as particularly important. Here it is advisable to take a look at the cultural differences. In Japan and also in South Korea, for example, the working days are incredibly long. Working in your free time or at the weekend is unfortunately not uncommon. Most people are so exhausted that they just fall into bed and sleep. Unfortunately, romance and togetherness fall by the wayside. Dissatisfaction with sex life also has its reasons. Among other things, it is due to a lack of sexual education and the taboo on topics such as sexual preferences, desire and sexuality. It is also more difficult for women in particular, since some East Asian countries are still strongly patriarchal.
Are we "normal"?
We know it's easy to feel intimidated and overwhelmed by so many different numbers. You might even wonder if you're doing everything right or if you should take more time for intimacy. However, starting now is completely wrong if you force yourself to have sex twice a week because the national average tells you so. You would then theoretically have to have 2.5 children and that's a bit difficult 😉 So what we want to say is: it's just numbers.
Having a low sex drive can be for many different reasons and they are all valid and okay. Illnesses, depression, stress - all these factors and many more can ensure that you may not feel like having sex. The last thing you need is MORE stress because you feel like you're pushing the average. If something is bothering you, turn to your partner and talk to each other. Ask each other whether it is too much or too little for one person and try to find a solution together. We already have an article on our blog that deals with exactly this topic employed. Just read it! And if you want to know how to improve your libido, you can here go to Article.
Having "too much" sex isn't a problem either. Neither for men NOR for women. You are free to live out how you see fit (as long as you don't hurt or harass anyone). You really shouldn't let anyone tell you anything on this point.
In the end, "normal" only means that a "norm value" or an average has been determined using a mathematically evaluated database, which includes the broad masses, but does not include the individual. Now we are all individuals and he may only want it once a week, she is single and likes having sex regularly, someone else may not want sex at all because he or she is asexual and none of that is a problem or a cause for concern . Because, as I said, we try to explain the world to ourselves with the help of mathematics, but that doesn't always work.
You have to be happy, that's the most important thing, and when it comes to sex and intimacy, you don't need numbers to tell you how to do it right, but words to communicate what you want and what you need.
