10 Tips For Getting Started In BDSM

There's a bit of kink in all of us. Even if you're new to the world of bondage and BDSM, being into sex practices beyond doggy and missionary positions is - finally - no longer taboo. We are allowed to experiment with our sexuality and can discover ourselves and each other in a whole new way. You want to know how to make your first experiences with BDSM? We'll give you 10 proven tips and tricks to make playing with the power imbalance safe and exciting. These were developed in collaboration with Kink expert @kitteh.

Kinky Knigge: Things to know for the entrance into the BDSM world

As a BDSM beginner you should start slowly and increase steadily. You don't need to set up a whole playroom to enjoy exciting games with power imbalance. The first step is made when you let your imagination run wild: What turns you on? What fantasies do you have? Maybe you already know exactly what you're into and how your personal kink works in theory. But before you start putting it into practice, familiarize yourself with our do's and don'ts. Because even though "learning by doing" is probably best for many sexual practices, you should do some research when it comes to BDSM adventures.

Above all, the issues of safety and trust play a very crucial role, because whether you give or receive power, you have responsibilities. First, to be honest with your Dom(s) when it's too much for you, and second, to treat your sub(s) accordingly and accept boundaries. In this regard, we can't help but keep pointing out the enormous importance of mutual trust.

You are not yet familiar with the terms in the BDSM universe? Then you will find in this article an extensive lexicon with the most important BDSM terms and abbreviations, which may even stimulate your imagination and expand your understanding. 

10 tips for getting started with bondage and BDSM

IBelow are 10 essential tips and topics to consider and talk about before bringing bondage and BDSM into your bedroom.

1. Formulate Dos and Don'ts

Before you start with the practical implementation, you should definitely talk about what is okay and what is a no-go. Knowing what turns you on and what makes you insecure or maybe even afraid is an important step before you go into practical implementation.

It's best to sit down with your partner and talk openly and honestly about your preferences. If you find it difficult to put this into words, we have a little help for you, with which you can easily find out what you are into. Other tests or questionnaires from the Internet can also be a good help.

Also talk about so-called hard and soft limits. What do they mean? Hard limits are limits that may not be exceeded for one partner. No matter if you as a Dom or Sub formulate or set a hard limit, your counterpart should respectfully accept it, because this is the only way to create trust. If these limits are exceeded, a safeword or sign can be used to signal that the other person should stop whatever he or she is doing.

Soft limits are like yellow traffic lights. They are boundaries that can be moved with practice or progression in the relationship. For example, you may not be comfortable with the idea of being tied up in the beginning because it feels like too much of a relinquishment of control. However, you may still be interested and as your trust base deepens, you could imagine giving your partner enough freedom to tie you up for once.

As I said, talk about it openly and don't be shy, if your counterpart doesn't react with understanding, this might be a sign that you should rather invest your trust in another person. After all, you must also rely on the fact that with the safeword an immediate termination of the session takes place. And while we're on the subject ...

2. Consent is Key 

First things first - nothing works without consensus, i.e. mutual agreement. It is not enough to simply assume that the other person will like what you are doing. Simply relying on the other person's judgment or telling them when something is wrong is reckless and insensitive. Rather, being kinky involves actively seeking consensus. This sounds like a mood killer at first, but it can be very sexy with the right words. Here are a few examples:

• "Would you enjoy it if you did that to me?"
• "Have you ever imagined being tied up and completely at my mercy?"

Important: Consensus should always be enthusiastic, without pressure and always with the possibility of revocation.

3. Please do not open the door

You know exactly what you're looking for and what you're into? That's great! But don't surprise anyone with your preferences. It doesn't matter if your counterpart is as kinky as you are or not. Whether online or in real life, it doesn't make a good impression to immediately address someone as "mistress" or "my slave." In fact, it's considered assaultive to express all your fantasies and needs right away without consensus on such a conversation (and yes, even talking about sexual preferences requires mutual consent). It is the same with sending pictures, videos, links to articles, stores or the like. Approach the topic slowly and make sure that the other person wants to go deeper. Talking together about topics like sex or kinks is much more erotic than kicking down the door like a SWAT team.

4. Live and let live

When you dive into the world of bondage, BDSM, fetish and kink, you will surely come across some practices that might seem a bit bizarre to you at first. But even if there are preferences that you absolutely can't understand or that may even repel you, it's not your job to pass judgment here. What you like may be unspeakable to someone else. Of course, you may and should decide where your boundaries lie. But always remember that sexuality is something very individual. Be tolerant of all kinksters and fetishists and never be derogatory. Which brings us to our next point...

5. You are Vanilla? No Kinkshaming!

Maybe kink and BDSM is not for you. Maybe you read this post and are happy to have nothing to do with all the fetishes and crazy preferences. We have to disappoint you, you already have! Because even as a non-kinky person you can take one thing from our kinky code of conduct: Never judge another person because of his/her sexuality or how they live out their sexual fantasies. Even if you can't understand an inclination, don't joke about it or exclude a person because of it.

Kinkshaming is a term for derogatory behavior toward people with unusual sexual preferences. Remember this whenever you encounter a kinky person. By the way, this also applies within the BDSM community. If you can't relate to a fetish or a kink, don't engage with it further, but don't judge someone because he or she likes to wear a leash.

And to all kinksters: you may think kinkshaming backwards! A person with more ordinary tendencies than you is not "boring" or "uptight" because of it!

6. Never lose respect

Here is another very essential part that follows on from the previous paragraph. No matter with whom you play and in which roles you slip, never forget that you have a human being in front of you. Even a sub has an inviolable dignity as a human being, even behind a barking dog, there is a man with feelings. Power games around humiliation and submission are delightful. But after and before the game, every man is treated at eye level and with decency, no matter what kink he/she has. And besides...

7. Don't judge a book by its cover

Many kinks revolve around a power imbalance, or at least there is an active and a passive part. It can happen that we associate terms like "dominant", "submissive" or "submissive" with a certain look. So it happens that we also like to categorize people according to their appearance. However, even when it comes to sexual preferences, we should not judge anyone by his/her appearance. Simply assuming a person fits a certain role because it fits your fantasy doesn't make a good impression. Keep an open mind and free yourself from stereotypes. Behind some Kinksters there is not only one role.

8. Aftercare – One Must Have!

Kinky practices challenge us, both physically and mentally. After playing, give you and your counterpart time to relax and return to eye level. Take care of each other if things got a little rough. Even people you're not in a romantic relationship with have a right to aftercare! Being kinky with each other must mean being ready for aftercare. This doesn't have to be about cuddling if you don't want that. Aftercare in the form of a conversation, something to eat, or a nap together is also okay. Be sure to ask your significant other beforehand what he or she needs after playtime and be prepared to give him or her just that. Always remember: everything is a give and take.

9. Don‘t drink and kink

Since we're almost at the end of our introductory tips, here's another particularly important one. It's a very simple Kink rule. If you've been drinking alcohol (or consuming other intoxicating substances), kink is off limits. Alcohol supposedly makes us more disinhibited, and many get into the mood especially easily with a buzz. But that's exactly where the danger lies, because we also tend to be more risk-averse when intoxicated. Moreover, if you're under the influence of alcohol, you can't give a one hundred percent consensus! Even if you are already practiced in dealing with each other, alcohol could cause you to misjudge situations and react less quickly and safely. Please always, always remember the terms safe, sane and consensual and stick to the rule: Don't drink and kink.

10. Last but not least: Inform yourself and don't be so hard on yourself

Of course, these are just the basics. If we wanted to explain every kink plus its manners and rules here, we could probably fill a whole book. Depending on which practices are your preference, you should find out exactly what there is to consider. Kinky play also includes safety precautions, taking responsibility for yourself and your partner, and maintaining your boundaries.

How to get started with BDSM & Co.

All this sounds more like a kinky minefield than lust and eroticism? Do not worry, much of it you do certainly already automatically in your own way right. Besides, it's okay to be insecure, to make mistakes or to put your foot in your mouth. Nobody is perfect and there is also the little word "excuse me". 

Before we now release you into our lexicon with the most important BDSM terms and abbreviations or your imagination, we from OH MY! FANTASY have a surprise for you.

Bondage games sound interesting? You want to be completely at the mercy of your partner or just give up your iron control? You can explore and realize all this with the OH MY! FANTASY Bondage Light Box. With this you can slowly approach the world of consensus-driven bondage. So that you can really relax and not worry about anything, we have developed a precise scenario for you, with which you can completely enjoy your perhaps first kinky experience.