Isabel and Tom write on their blogoffenerzweier about their open relationship. In this article, Isabel describes in a very personal, intimate and open way how she experienced the various threesome constellations! If you want more information on this subject, check out our Date Guide Dreierlei created in cooperation with offenerzweier: With tips and tricks to prepare for threesomes and explore fantasy, including a hot audio file. Have fun while reading!
That's how it all started...
I had my first "threesome" when I was 18. It was with a friend and his buddy after a stubble field party in a village around the corner. For me, this experience was extremely exciting, even if it wasn't actually planned, let alone hadn`t it even be a thought. Our buddy was visiting and stayed with my girlfriend. I - at that time still without a car - missed the last bus back. It was a happy celebration. Alcohol hardly flowed, but we were hilarious. Two young women with large breasts and a man with incredibly long legs. Since then we have called him "the legs". The three of us walked arm in arm to my girlfriend's small 20 m² apartment. When we got there, between the bookshelves, mountains of clothes and stacks of paper, we had no choice but to move very close together. The "legs" and I started making out while my girlfriend was smoking on the balcony. When I then went onto the balcony, the other two came closer. And then at some point the pack of cigarettes was empty😊. But it wasn't a wild mess like you would imagine in classic movies. It was just that "why not" moment, a man taking turns having sex with one woman while the other watches and caresses them both affectionately.
The HOW can take on the most diverse colors and forms in threesome sex. In addition to the different constellations of the protagonists (FFM, MMF, FFF, MMM), everything is possible, from "two do and one watches" to "sex yes, kiss no" to a wild tangle without taboos and with a few rules. Allowed is anything that pleases and is good for everyone involved.
Since my first, shallow experience when I was 18, the topic of "threesome sex" or "several sex" has come up again and again. Sometimes I was invited by a strange couple, sometimes the Sunday excursion took place spontaneously in a swingers club and sometimes you wanted to live out a still open fantasy quite consciously and planned. There were both flaming adventures and disasters of the first order.
Why the fantasy of threesome sex?
The thought of having sex with more than one partner at the same time occurs to many couples, regardless of the relationship construct they live in - monogamous, open, polyamorous etc. You, Tom and I live in an open relationship from the beginning. However, this does not automatically mean that we also have sex in threes, fours or more. But you and I like the idea of living it out side by side and with other exciting people. This thought was also present and appealing in our previous, monogamous relationships.
For women, it might be the thought of trying out a woman, or being desired by two men at the same time. For men it can be the desire to observe two women, to meet them or to experience their own partner with another man.
Sometimes you just have a very rough, veiled fantasy and aren't sure whether you find fantasy or reality more appealing. Not everyone who dreams of a flight to the moon would also climb into a rocket. ;-)
If you take a closer look at the fantasy of "threesome" (or foursome) you can find out a lot about yourself and your own lust. Already in advance, the way there alone and in pairs can be very enjoyable.
Framework and rules
Why think so much and not just find someone and get started? That is theoretically possible. In practice, we are all human beings with different ideas, needs and limitations. It's possible to have a "why not" moment when you're sitting in with friends or going out, but there can also be nasty feelings like jealousy and being overwhelmed. It's therefore easier to know in advance what you want and don't want, do they both want the same thing?
What I want? What do you want? What do we want?
In any case, both should feel like having sex in a threesome and respect the boundaries of the other. Go into yourself individually and think about what excites you, what is important to you, but also what could be too much for you. You don't have to go from zero to 100 right away. Look at the following questions, build your imagination together and then carefully take the next step. You could go to a club and just take a look, or arrange to meet a man/woman/couple to watch online or in a parking lot without leaving your respective car.
MMF? FFM? Or is it four?
MMF, FFM, FFF or MMM initially sounds like a radio station setting. However, these are the different constellations that can exist in threesome sex:
- MMF = man, man, woman
- FFM = woman, woman, man
- FFF = woman, woman, woman
- MMM = Mann, Mann, Mann
Which constellation stimulates your imagination the most? Is it about getting same-sex intimate or would you like to watch your partner or be watched? In which formation can you best imagine yourself and your partner? Or would an adventure for four, with two couples, where you can observe each other out of the corner of your eye and swap partners if necessary, be more appealing?
The most important thing is mutual attraction. Which type of woman/man suits your taste at all? What do you find sexy, what even arousing? Can (or should) he/she be heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual?
Lust in the circle of friends or desire of a stranger?
You and I have been seeing this one woman for quite some time who can almost be called an acquaintance as the tone and conversations have become quite friendly and familiar. We would like to have other people in our circle of friends with whom we can first cook together and then exchange tenderness.
Sex among friends or acquaintances can be very familiar. The atmosphere is often more exuberant and revealing than when you meet a stranger. However, having sex in one's own circle may have more potential for conflicts that cannot simply be resolved by closing the front door. In addition, a person from the outside can bring a special charm of the strange and mysterious. How do you think about it?
Watch, participate or tie knots
In general, it's a good feeling to know what you like and don't like about sex. If an additional person comes along, this is all the more important in order to be able to avoid unpleasant situations in lovemaking in advance.
Are there taboos?
Before an adventure with three or more, you should also explicitly think about taboos. When No-Go's have been clarified in advance, there are fewer unpleasant surprises and hurt feelings - for all protagonists. Be completely honest with your partner and above all with yourself. Are there things that might be appealing in the imagination, but when you think about it, evoke unpleasant thoughts such as jealousy?
How close is desired?
I still remember when you Tom and I spent an evening with a woman I met in November 2019. It was a fun evening. The three of us slept together, had a lot of physical contact and were very close. When the excitement subsided, you lay down in our midst. You caressed us at the same time and kissed each of us in turn. I liked that you didn't differentiate between us at that moment. This is how we managed to give the three of us that security that one often longs for after sex.
You can find these and many other questions in our questionnaire Date Guides three things, created in cooperation with offenerzweier
And where do you get to know him/her?
If you fancy a man/woman outside of your circle of friends, there are several ways to go stalking. You and I tried one or the other app on the search for exciting, hot people, browsed the Joyclub and visited swinger clubs and private parties. We had exciting online communications that fizzled out, stood around for hours in the swingers' club, sipped on cocktails and ran away from people who found us erotic, but unfortunately we didn't find them at all. But we were also able to have great experiences and live hot, uninhibited moments.
As with the conventional "partner search", you also need patience when looking for the desired third party. Go on the hunt with ease and don't be disappointed if it doesn't work immediately, but take what may come with humor.
Arrangements in advance
I wear my heart on my sleeve and fall in with the door. At all meetings, I addressed beforehand what was important to us for the evening and asked the other person what were his /her expectations. Some answers are hard to ask when everyone is naked and aroused. So far I've done quite well with this approach, because it avoids any discomfort and creates trust.
To you or to us or to the swingers` club?
Your own home is often a sacred place. The four walls at home can be an advantage for a personal, intimate atmosphere. However, if things don't go as hoped, bad feelings can get stuck there. So think about where you want to meet a third person. You can also meet in a swingers` club and use one of the lockable rooms there, or look around for a cozy Airbnb.
Unicorns and their wishes
Finding the right him/her for an adventure isn't easy. The third in the group is therefore also called a unicorn. I used to be a unicorn too. It can be a great experience, but it is not uncommon for one to feel like an object of lust that experiences less closeness. Take the time to talk about your expectations, and it's best to do so in a neutral place. It is important that nobody falls by the wayside in the adventure and feels uncomfortable afterwards.
Contraception with a condom is actually a matter of course in a threesome. In addition to unwanted pregnancies, the main aim is to avoid infection with sexually transmitted diseases. Nevertheless, talk about contraception briefly to avoid unpleasant misunderstandings.
You and I handle it so that we use condoms even as a couple for such pleasure. We think this is fair to the other person so that they feel treated equally. What is your opinion on the subject? If we meet another woman, the condom is automatically changed when the partner changes.
You can also find more inspiration on how you can explore the fantasy of a threesome alone and together in our audio Date Guides three things, created in cooperation with offenerzweier
Break the ice
There she is, the person you both desire and find exciting. And now? Make a date and go?For us, this approach ensured that the three of us sat on the sofa, made small talk and didn't know how to break the ice for ages. "Would you like to drink something and then go to the bedroom?" sounds kind of wooden. You could already open the door for him/her in your underwear, or ring the doorbell in a trench coat with little underneath. But do you have the courage for it and what does the third party think?
Relax and try to go into the meeting with no expectations. Maybe you make an innocent appointment to cook together or in a trendy restaurant that you've always wanted to try. Antipasti and wine are also great evening companions. The three of them exchange hot looks and flirt with each other. Don't give yourself a time limit, just let the evening flow. Find out how he/she reacts to you with light touches, in between or standing/sitting close together. Compliment each other and just get to know each other. When you're relaxed and feeling good, everything else will fall into place.
Here are more reports from offenerzweier:
You can find step-by-step instructions from preparation to exploring the imagination to implementation in the Date guide three things, created in cooperation with offenerzweier