We all have our sexy little secrets. It takes months to fully understand someone in bed. It takes years to fully understand someone in a relationship. And then there's also the art of figuring out how to get over thesexual fantasiesspeaks of someone.
You can read thousands of articles, watch tens of Sex in the City reruns, or take countless personality tests and try to apply those results to your sex life. Or spend thousands of dollars on therapy...
There is an alternative...
You just ask! Clever concept, right? However, it's often the case that asking someone what his or her secret sex fantasy is is akin to asking a stranger for their ATM PIN code. You probably won't get an honest answer.
When starting a new romance, the best way to get to know each other is to ask questions. What are you doing? What is your favorite movie? There is a lot of hidden information in these questions that we use to understand what makes people tick.
Finding out a little more about sexual fantasies doesn't have to be awkward though. It's enough to use a few tricks to get your partner to talk. Leaving these sex fantasy questions unanswered can leave you feeling upset ten months later that your partner hasn't met you yettied upand he's frustrated that you haven'tRollenspielplayed, which he keeps pointing out.
Get that nowfree Yes! No! Perhaps? Guideto speak openly about secret fantasies!
Here are FIVE easy, sneaky (yet harmless) ways you can start exploring your partner's secret sexual fantasies that will get you both talking about sex while avoiding awkward situations.
1. Ask, "What was the first thing you can remember that ever turned you on sexually?"
It sounds weird, but if you ask, you'll get HUGE insight into how to pull off your partner's sexual register. Like when someone admits they were obsessed with body shaping commercials at a young age and when we fast forward 30 years and realize they have an odd little kink for aerobics and physiques.
2. Figure out what time of day (and under what circumstances) your partner usually gets in the mood the most
Life can be hectic. It's difficult enough to get in time sync, so it's good to figure out when you're both in the mood the most. Is it morning or evening? Is it when he's bored at work or when you first meet after you get home? You must know! Find out when he's most in the mood and use this time to ask him what turns him on (he's much more likely to answer).
3. If the sex fantasy is too embarrassing to bring up, watch a movie
The simplest example is 50 Shades of Gray. Maybe not the best example of real bondage, but a pretty good way to start talking to someone about BDSM. Find a movie that you like (or that you suspect your partner will be interested in) and take a short break in between. In this way, the film can become your sexual icebreaker.
4. Make the sex fantasy equivalent to a piggy bank
Try this exercise with your partner. Just ask: if there was a money box with "sexy thoughts" that you could slip a piece of paper with a secret wish in every time you had one, your money box would be... a) dusty, b) medium full, c ) Do you need a second piggy bank to handle the overflow?
The next step is to make this money box and fill it with some suggestions so you and your partner can think about what you really want. This is an indirect and extremely effective way to build expectations.
5. Find ways to lower the barrier to "sex talk."
And we don't mean just getting drunk on alcohol. Have you ever done karaoke? Did you go ice bathing? Did you learn wave surfing? When you do any of these things for the first time, it's awful. It's always the same for the tenth time.
Talking about sex is the same. Dare in a public place. Whisper something dirty in your partner's ear. Just showing each other that you're willing to use your words and actions to make things a little more exciting will get the ball rolling.
What happens when your plan works, you finally start talking about your sex fantasies but you don't know how to make them come true?
Luckily, there are options here that make it easier. For example OH MY! FANTASY: We deliver fully planned sexy dates with everything you need for your new experience in bed.
A perfect base for any couple looking to yefirst OH MY! FANTASY experiencesearch is thatActive-passive role play: This sensual and seductive date night scenario deepens communication between partners and brings a new dynamic to your love life. Best of all, you both answer the questions at the same time, so you don't have to worry about someone not answering.
The most important thing is to find a way to talk to each other about what both of you really want from sex.Ask yourself the sexy questions. Make your own sexy answers. don't judge. Do not hesitate. Just ask and listen.
Don't spend another day worrying about whether or not your sex life could be hotter. If you have the courage to ask, you'll know for sure and your partner will never stop thanking you for your questions.
This is going to sound a little crazy, but...
I would like to introduce you to a tried and tested method that I call "relationship heroin" because it keeps every relationship faithful and intimate over the long term, ignites the passionate fire and excitement of the new that every relationship begins with and makes you (again) feel new sexual desire.
This secret method, which you can discover together, will give you both deeply moving, ecstatic orgasms that are so intense that you will swim in the happy hormone cocktail for a very long time.
Discover them here.
Also, if you're in a dying relationship and you want to experience more passion, fire, and intensity, you might want to give them a try.
Some interesting "side effects" are:
- A fiery passion and intimacy that connects - similar to the feeling and excitement of the new at the beginning of every relationship
- Other couples will be jealous of your relationship and how happy you are together
- A (new) sexual desire and hot desire for each other