"Honey, I want ___________ (sex)"
No matter what word you put in, this is a conversation that's both difficult and nerve-wracking. Talking about what you want in the bedroom doesn't automatically mean something is wrong. But if we are honest, both partners can quickly feel quite vulnerable when it comes to such an issue. We probably all know that from personal experience.
Like many others, I ordered the first toys after a toy party, exhilarated by the idea that sex is more than the missionary position and a few other basics. I came home and told my friend that I bought some "stuff". He looked at me curiously and said, "What? Why?" Not only did I feel a little embarrassed and uncomfortable at not having an answer that seemed acceptable, but I also realized that I had no idea what to do with the toys and with my boyfriend when she did arrived.I had bought myself a vibrator (three to be exact).
So how do you tell your partner that you'd like to spice things up in your love life when you've literally never talked about sex before? I was ashamed. We have thatConversation about preferencesskipped completely, as we might today, because we started having sex before we were really comfortable enough to TALK about sex. So the package arrived and when I was alone I opened it and put the toys on the table and put them back in the package and closed it again. My partner casually asked about delivery a couple of times, but I just evasively declined.
Now I've made it my mission to help couples have *___* sex. Not that it has to be something new every night, but it's a bit like a closet: there just aren't "too many outfits to choose from." If you're thinking about spicing up your love life, here's some food for thought:
1) It's about the "HOW"
You can position the suggestion of trying something new in bed in a way that isn't threatening and feels authentic to you, such as a casual mention, "Oh, I heard about this really funny thing from Lisa today." Or you let it flow into the snuggle afterwards, "Mmm, that was super good. I'd love to do that again soon. And you know what I would really love..." - so you can picture it as an adventure together that you love would continue.
2) Info, Info, Info
We've all read erotic short stories or novels and know what basic toys are out there. However, many of us have never used lube, vibrators, restraints, blindfolds or other accessories in bed. When you venture into uncharted waters and have no help, your partner will likely expect you to have a clear idea of what you want and are doing. Luckily, today there are so many places to learn and educate yourself - videos, articles, toy parties, friends, and even classes. Take control and get the information you need.
3) Don't back down
Set a date when you want to embark on a new experience. Don't just assume that this will happen on a random evening - I can tell from experience that this is not the case. Plus, anticipation is known to be the greatest joy. On the day of your date night, send each other short messages to get you in the mood.
4) Get to know your preferences
If you're one of those couples that never overpreferences in bedhave spoken, now is your chance. At OH MY! FANTASY, the first experience consists of filling out a hilarious yet sexy survey about your preferences in bed and discussing your answers over a romantic dinner (before you settle for aAktiv-Passiv Rollenspielgoes in the box ;). You can also do this yourself - download an internet poll that feels good to you, print it out for each of you and discuss the poll over dinner. Then the game can start!
5) Relax and enjoy... or laugh about it
It's almost impossible to have an orgasm when you're worried or thinking about something else. Although the fantasy is new to both of you, show your partner that you like what is happening. And of course, when something goes wrong... laugh about it. Laughing together connects and is sexy.
So, give it a try and fill the gap! Get it nowfree guideto talk to your partner about what new experiences you would like to try!
This is going to sound a little crazy, but...
I would like to introduce you to a tried and tested method that I call "relationship heroin" because it keeps every relationship faithful and intimate over the long term, ignites the passionate fire and excitement of the new that every relationship begins with and makes you (again) feel new sexual desire.
This secret method, which you can discover together, will give you both deeply moving, ecstatic orgasms that are so intense that you can swim in the happy hormone cocktail for a very long time.
Discover them here.
Also, if you're in a dying relationship and you want to experience more passion, fire, and intensity, you might want to give them a try.
Some interesting "side effects" are:
- A fiery passion and intimacy that connects - similar to the feeling and excitement of the new at the beginning of every relationship
- Other couples will be jealous of your relationship and how happy you are together
- A (new) sexual desire and hot desire for each other