Frau, Bett, Lustfaktoren, Lesen

Are you in the mood for more desire for sex?

Want more sex?
Desire for sex is not an innate or stable personality trait. All of theirs know thatsexual desire changes a lot if they have had some alcohol, for exampleare stressed or with an extremely attractive personto flirt. So there is no such thing as easyPeople with high or low sex drive.

Instead, there is a huge range of things that influence our desirecan have:
  • stimuli from the environment
  • certain social situations
  • certain behavior
  • own condition and
  • certain thoughts...
This is because our sexuality is linked to all areas of our lives andas theoretically all of this can influence our desire for more or less sex.
Frau, desire, Lustfaktoren

Different people are not fundamentally more or less sexualDesire. But: It becomes whole with each of usindividuallyand stimulated in different waysand inhibited.

Let's take a closer look:

Pleasure accelerators and lust brakes

We all have our own personal set of accelerators and brakes,which oursLustdrive up and down (more on this in "Love Libido - what slows you downyou?").

The accelerator stimuli increase the desire for sex, the brake stimuli reduce it.Of these, there are more common and outlandish ones, and a person's accelerators canbe someone else's brakes.
In addition, we each react to them in very different ways. SomeStimuli have a big effect even in small amounts, while others have oneneed a good portion to perceive a change in our desire.

Some are particularly sensitive to their desire brakes and therefore come with difficultyin motion, even if only one of them is present. Others feel little disturbed in their lust,even if braking influences are present.
Lippen, Frau, Lust, Lustfaktoren

Still other people react particularly sensitively to their desire accelerators andget cravings very quickly, if even just a hint of such an influencepresent - regardless of how appropriate or inappropriate the arousal arousedis straight. Others, on the other hand, tend to leave their own pleasure accelerators in small doses cold.

Then there are people who are sensitive to both the accelerator and the brakesare. The desire for sex comes best when everything is just right.
And it happens that the effect of an accelerating factor leaves your desire surprisingly cold because there are too many braking influences.
Everything is there and everything is normal. Nevertheless, it can of course be that you like somethingfeel more like having sex.

So what do you do if you would like to have sex more often?

Unfortunately, there is not (yet) a pill that makes you want more sex.
You can only influence your accelerator, brakes and their respective sensitivityrestricted. You developed them along your sexual learning history and nowthey belong to you like your gestures. That doesn't mean they are rigid and unchangeableare. But conscious influence is only partially successful.

But you can make sure that you create an environment that promotes pleasure for you.For this it is necessary in a first step that you set your own individual desire screwsknow and understand.
Mann, Bett, Lust, Lustfaktoren

Explore your pleasure brakes...
Many of us find it rather difficult to own our ownpleasure factorsto name specifically. Then helpsometimes a little exercise.

Are you curious?
Then first recall a rather negative sexual experience in the past. shedoesn't have to be terrible, just not that great.
Write down what you remember in as much detail as possible.
Perhaps the following questions will help you work out why they are not for youwas fulfilling:
  • How was the setting?Found the encounter in more private or public space, in everyday life or outsideinstead?
  • How were the living conditions?For example, was it a particularly stressful or particularly relaxing time?
  • How were you? For example, was your physical health limited, your body image or yourmood? Have you been worried, distracted, or worried about yourmade sexual performance?
  • How did you feel with your partner? Did you dislike or care about her/his physical appearance, her/his smell?her/his behavior?
  • how was yoursBeziehungWas there trust and/or an emotional bond? Was there a specificpower dynamics? Did you feel desired?
  • What have you done together? What sexual practices have you used? Which parts of the body were touched in this wayor not touched?
  • What happened before your sexual encounter and what happened after?

Schreiben, Erinnern, Journal, Notizen

... then your lust accelerator
Now think about a really good sexual encounter in the past.
Try to remember it in as much detail as possible and write it down.
Now go through the various questions from just one more time. But this time with a viewon which of them made the experience a pleasurable one:
  • How was the setting?Did the encounter take place in a more private or public space, in everyday life or outside of it?
  • How were the living conditions? For example, was it a particularly stressful or particularly relaxing time?
  • How were you? For example, were you healthy, particularly relaxed? How did you feel? Did you feel safe?
  • How did you feel with your partner? Did you like her/his physical appearance, her/his smell? How did he/she behave?
  • how was your relationship Did you have an emotional bond? Was there a particular power dynamic? Did you feel desired?
  • What have you done together?
  • What sexual practices have you used? whichKörperteilewere so touched or not touched?
  • What happened before your sexual encounter and what happened after?
Now read your notes carefully. Do you fall for environments, situations and/orConditions that you need to be able to experience sex as pleasurable or not so pleasurable?
Make a note of this as well and in the next step consider how you can create your very personalcan create pleasure-enhancing conditions. Ask yourself: What can I do specificallyso that I can use as many of my accelerators and as few of my brakes as possiblesurround?
Asking your partner for a massage? Arrange for child-free evenings? boredomraise?...

Your partner may even be able to help you with this. So he/she not only learns yoursAccelerators and brakes know, but will start brainstorming around onepleasure-enhancing environment Your "partner in crime".
Frau, Lust, Erinnerungen, Lustfaktoren

Did this exercise not work so well for you?
Then it may help you more to consciously during sexual encounters from now onObserve what really gets you going and what tends to inhibit your desire.

Either you do it quietly whenever you end up in such a situation. orYou consciously try out different things and notice what you like and whatnot.

Amelie is a psychologist and aspiring sexologist in Berlin, where she offers sex counseling and workshops. It is particularly important to her to support as many people as possible so that they can enjoy their individual sexuality in a fulfilling, shame-free and joyful way.

On Instagram, she regularly provides information on a wide range of sexuality topics: @easy.drueber.reden

Sources:

  • Perry, Flo (2019) How to Have Feminist Sex: A Fairly Graphic Guide. Particular Books
  • Exercise "turning on and off" according to Michael Sztenc

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